Thought I would share an article I ran across today that helps me in my thinking about integrating the autistic mind.... and guiding children to develop different areas of their brains for whole brain decision making.
This article and recent neuroscience research lead us away from the simplistic view described in The Whole Brain Child (before the authors wrote No Drama Discipline) that there is a right and left hemisphere controlling either creativity (right) or logic (left). The probable story we can glean from now having active MRIs (or functional MRIs) is that different experiences and tasks activate specific areas of the brain. When we are asked to solve more complex tasks or problems, more areas of the brain must be activated for solving that problem (e.g., logic, sensory experiences, past experiences) to then collaborate or interact together for full, creative, and sound decision making.
Our job, then, as parents with children with developing brains (or ones that may have more trouble with integrating regions) requires us to guide that process of integration.... leading us back to such books and parenting wisdom as No Drama Discipline for guiding children to better decision making.
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/2013/08/19/the-real-neuroscience-of-creativity/
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
Chapter 2 reflections: Your Brain on Discipline
"Neurons that fire together, wire together."
We can provide opportunities for childrens' brains to grow and connect in new ways that will better support more sound decision making - autism or not!
Chapter two is a great chapter for better understanding what is happening in the human brain, including those with autism. This chapter offers a very basic description of the areas of the brain and how they function. They also describe areas that may not function well, when they are still developing.
This chapter helps us understand that in typical development, the brainstem and limbic system (what the authors call the "downstairs brain"), are fully functional at birth. They control our automatic responses to keep us alive in the face of danger. They also ensure basics such as breathing, regulating our digestion, and sleep or wake cycles.
The cerebral cortex is responsible for the higher level thinking that helps govern our thinking, emotional, and relational skills for balance and to create meaning from our lives. This area of the brain begins to develop in infancy and childhood. This area of the brain is typically responsible for such activities as:
•Sound decision making and planning
•Regulation of emotions and body
•Personal insight
•Flexibility and adaptability
•Empathy
•Morality
We are still unclear as to whether areas of the brains of autistics are different structurally, but this certainly sheds light on the idea that there are concrete developmental reasons that children with and without autism may have difficulty with the higher level reasoning and decision making we often expect of them! Most likely, there are areas of the brains of people with autism which are more or less developed than others.
"When we know about the brain, we can guide our minds - how we pay attention, how we think, how we feel, how we interact with others - in ways that support solid, healthy brain development across the life span." pg 36
We are all familiar with times we, as adults, have lost control. We have moments when we do not make the best decisions and/or manage our own emotions to the level we would have liked or know to handle ourselves... and we are adults with fully functional cerebral cortexes (or "upstairs brains" as they call them in the book)! We need to remember, when guiding our children with and without autism, that not only are they human, they may not have full functionality of areas of their brains that govern that thinking.... and may not for several years to come.
Does this mean we lower expectations for behavior? Absolutely not. What that means is that we may need to act as a bit of a "stand in" at times for those areas of their brains to best support them in developing fully and optimally.
".... a child's developing brain is simply another reason we need to set clear boundaries and help her understand what's acceptable.... We need to help develop our children's upstairs brain - along with all of the skills it makes possible - and while doing so, we may need to act as an external upstairs brain along the way, working with them and helping them make decisions they're not quite capable yet of making for themselves." pg 39
Parenting or guiding a child from this understanding about the brain and its development, can help us have more compassion in those moments when our children are losing control and having trouble managing themselves. We become "stand ins" for the areas of the brain that are not yet functioning to their capacity.
That said, I know from my own parenting, that this takes a lot of patience and clarity in very tough moments when tempers are flared. How many moments have we all known exactly what NOT to say just as it is leaving our mouths!? Remember, no one is perfect. If you do hear it as it comes out of your mouth, you are that much closer to the time that you will stop, take a deep breath, remember to connect with the areas of your child's brain that are not functioning as well (usually areas that control and manage emotions)...
How this seems to play out interestingly with autism is that a child may say something very concrete and seemingly unrelated, like "I want Nemo!" when they are actually upset about something else. Word finding while also managing emotions, transitions, confusion is extra challenging for those on spectrum. Therefore, if you react to the "Nemo" request with either agreeing or disagreeing/not allowing... you are essentially staying with your child's trying to figure things out from a static/concrete perspective (or just certain areas of his brain). However, if you assume intent and respond to the child's escalated emotional state... by connecting with him on a physical eye level with touch (if acceptable to your child), slowing yourself down, and truly guiding his thinking to his emotional response vs. thinking that this item will solve everything... you are not only helping alleviate the moment but also helping to exercise areas of his brain that need support.
We can provide opportunities for childrens' brains to grow and connect in new ways that will better support more sound decision making - autism or not!
Chapter two is a great chapter for better understanding what is happening in the human brain, including those with autism. This chapter offers a very basic description of the areas of the brain and how they function. They also describe areas that may not function well, when they are still developing.
This chapter helps us understand that in typical development, the brainstem and limbic system (what the authors call the "downstairs brain"), are fully functional at birth. They control our automatic responses to keep us alive in the face of danger. They also ensure basics such as breathing, regulating our digestion, and sleep or wake cycles.
The cerebral cortex is responsible for the higher level thinking that helps govern our thinking, emotional, and relational skills for balance and to create meaning from our lives. This area of the brain begins to develop in infancy and childhood. This area of the brain is typically responsible for such activities as:
•Sound decision making and planning
•Regulation of emotions and body
•Personal insight
•Flexibility and adaptability
•Empathy
•Morality
We are still unclear as to whether areas of the brains of autistics are different structurally, but this certainly sheds light on the idea that there are concrete developmental reasons that children with and without autism may have difficulty with the higher level reasoning and decision making we often expect of them! Most likely, there are areas of the brains of people with autism which are more or less developed than others.
"When we know about the brain, we can guide our minds - how we pay attention, how we think, how we feel, how we interact with others - in ways that support solid, healthy brain development across the life span." pg 36
We are all familiar with times we, as adults, have lost control. We have moments when we do not make the best decisions and/or manage our own emotions to the level we would have liked or know to handle ourselves... and we are adults with fully functional cerebral cortexes (or "upstairs brains" as they call them in the book)! We need to remember, when guiding our children with and without autism, that not only are they human, they may not have full functionality of areas of their brains that govern that thinking.... and may not for several years to come.
Does this mean we lower expectations for behavior? Absolutely not. What that means is that we may need to act as a bit of a "stand in" at times for those areas of their brains to best support them in developing fully and optimally.
".... a child's developing brain is simply another reason we need to set clear boundaries and help her understand what's acceptable.... We need to help develop our children's upstairs brain - along with all of the skills it makes possible - and while doing so, we may need to act as an external upstairs brain along the way, working with them and helping them make decisions they're not quite capable yet of making for themselves." pg 39
Parenting or guiding a child from this understanding about the brain and its development, can help us have more compassion in those moments when our children are losing control and having trouble managing themselves. We become "stand ins" for the areas of the brain that are not yet functioning to their capacity.
That said, I know from my own parenting, that this takes a lot of patience and clarity in very tough moments when tempers are flared. How many moments have we all known exactly what NOT to say just as it is leaving our mouths!? Remember, no one is perfect. If you do hear it as it comes out of your mouth, you are that much closer to the time that you will stop, take a deep breath, remember to connect with the areas of your child's brain that are not functioning as well (usually areas that control and manage emotions)...
How this seems to play out interestingly with autism is that a child may say something very concrete and seemingly unrelated, like "I want Nemo!" when they are actually upset about something else. Word finding while also managing emotions, transitions, confusion is extra challenging for those on spectrum. Therefore, if you react to the "Nemo" request with either agreeing or disagreeing/not allowing... you are essentially staying with your child's trying to figure things out from a static/concrete perspective (or just certain areas of his brain). However, if you assume intent and respond to the child's escalated emotional state... by connecting with him on a physical eye level with touch (if acceptable to your child), slowing yourself down, and truly guiding his thinking to his emotional response vs. thinking that this item will solve everything... you are not only helping alleviate the moment but also helping to exercise areas of his brain that need support.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Chapter 1 reflections: No Drama Discipline
I am reading No Drama Discipline
by Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson.
Here are my reflections on chapter 1 of this helpful book on addressing challenging behaviors with a Whole-Brain approach....
While being on autopilot with parenting may sometimes
seem like a good idea, we hear how we should be consistent, we
should be strict, be clear afterall... however, choosing a one size fits all
approach to situations (and all ages) just does not work with human beings that
fluctuate daily. We, as as adults fluctuate in our moods but especially so do
children whose brains are not fully developed until they are well into their
20's!
As parents, we need to be cognizant
that children have their ups and downs with the flow of emotions and
change of development based on their ages, amounts of sleep, and
current developmental stage. This does NOT mean that we change our
expectations. Our behavioral expectations for respectful, kind, and
safe behaviors do not change. It is simply our approach that needs to
be consistent with teaching vs. shunning for longer term independent
choice making to happen.
Autopilot would be so helpful for the
times when we are tired, we have a lack of sleep ourselves, we are
simply not at our best. Parenting with high expectations for behavior
while truly engaging a child's brain connectivity takes our own
serious energy and pre-thought. It takes the ability to slow
ourselves down, not be reactive, to be calm and clear (again, not
backing down, but being in the moment objectively). I probably do not
need to spell this out, folks, but we need to learn to care for
ourselves so that we can truly be in that moment with our children
when they are losing it due to not having the skills to handle
something on their own effectively.
So say you are in the moment, you are
attempting to engage in a tough situation with your child. This book
goes into helping you simplify the steps you can use to employ
effective discipline. These are the basics behind Applied Behavior
Analysis, by the way:
- Ask yourself why your child is behaving the way they are behaving. If you child has hit you or someone else, truly ask yourself “why?” Was it to gain your or someone's attention? Was it to get out of a situation? (all behavior is a form of communication)
- What lesson do I want to teach? (what is the alternative way to communicate that need that would be more appropriate?)
- How can I best teach this lesson? (remember that it is never a good idea to attempt to teach anyone anything when emotions are running high. The authors equate this with approaching a growling, barking dog and trying to teach it to “sit” or some other trick when it is at it's height of fight mode.... get through the moment as clearly and safely as possible but definitely come back to it later when emotions are cooled).
Also in this chapter, the authors
outline the serious downsides to using spanking and time
outs for discipline measures. Spanking (or other aggressive responses
to challenging behaviors) either leave the child with the message
that their disciplinarian is someone to be feared or avoided creating
lying and/or blaming behavior. Time outs basically teach a child that
they must fend for themselves and hide their emotional responses –
not work through them with someone who can guide them to more
effective means of expressing or handling a given situation. Neither
promote brain connectivity to manage future scenarios confidently and
mindfully.
Next the chapter walks us through
really thinking about the manners in which we discipline now and how
we have done so in the past. The idea is that we will blame
ourselves, feel guilty, etc. but the time is now. We can discipline
successfully from this moment forward and with the Whole-Brain in
mind! “The more compassion you can have for yourself, the more
compassion you can have for your child. Even the best parents realize
that there will always be times they can be more intentional,
effective, and respectful regarding how they discipline their
children.... we can work on reducing the number of times we simply
react (or overreact) to a situation, and increasing the times we
respond out of a clear and receptive sense of what we believe our
kids need – in each particular moment, and as they move through
childhood toward adolescence and adulthood.” pg 32
On to chapter 2! More soon~
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Provide Discipline!
No Drama Discipline by Tina Bryson and Dan Siegel
These authors understand the importance of meeting the child/person where they are, assuming intent, guiding them to new understandings about behavioral alternatives that may support them more effectively.... through mindful integration.
A wonderful colleague and long time friend, Kristie Pretti-Frontczak, and I are embarking on this collaborative blogging journey together, starting with a book which intrigues us both.
I have used The Whole Brain Child in my work with parents and teams surrounding students with autism for many years now. The same researchers, Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson have now come out with No-Drama Discipline. I am intrigued with it's application with my own son, who is 13, in addition to the many families with whom I work.
Stay tuned for summaries, applications, and impressions posted here by both Kristie and myself.
Thank you for joining us on this journey! Consider picking up the book and commenting with us as we read through it together!
Barbara Avila
Parent and Team Autism Coach/Consultant
Synergy Autism Center
503-432-8760
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